Gender Roles and Sexual Orientation -- Teaching Children

   Our gender identity begins to form from the moment we are born.  Studies have shown children as young as 18 months exhibiting gender differentiated play (Caldera et al, as cited in Golberg, kashy, & Smith, 2012).  One of the reasons is because parents interact with their children differently whether they are a boy or a girl.  According to one study, mothers speak more and interact more with their daughters than with their sons.  Sons are also given more instruction than daughters (Blakemore & Centers, as cited in Lauer, 2012).

jontybabe.blogspot.com

  Interaction between parents and children is not the only impact that parents have on children's development of gender identity.  Research by Bandura has found that children model behavior exhibited by their parents.  Goldberg, Kashy, and Smith (2012) make the argument that -- based on the theory of social learning -- children learn gender roles by watching their parents interact with each other and with their environment.  Results of their study supported their theory.  Boys of lesbian mothers were less likely to engage in masculine play.  Overall children of homosexual parents were much less differentiated in their play than children of heterosexual couples (Goldberg, Kashy, & Smith, 2012).

   Parents are not the only influences, however.  If I were to base my theory of gender roles on what my parents did alone then I would think it highly strange that women participate frequently in the work force and that men stay home with children.  Society also plays a role in social learning.  Yet the importance of interaction between parents and children cannot be overstated.  In several recent studies it has been found that individuals who have homosexual or bisexual orientation are at greater risk of developing psychiatric disorders such as depression or anxiety (Zietsch et al., 2011).  Therefore, it is important that a home has a mother and a father who model gender roles for their children.  This helps to not only communicates to the child the differences between genders, but it helps the child to establish their own gender identity.

References

Goldberg, A. E., Kashy, D. A., Smith, J. Z. (2012). Gender-typed play behavior in early childhood: Adopted children with lesbian, gay, and heterosexual parents. Sex Roles, 67(9-10). 503-515.

Lauer, R. H., Lauer, J. C. (2012). Marriage and Family; New York, NY: McGraw-Hill

Zietsch, B. P., Verweij, K. J., Bailey, J. M., Wright, M. J., Martin, N. G. (2011). Sexual orientation and psychiatric vulnerability: A twin study of neuroticism and psychoticism. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40(1). 133-42.

Divorce Education

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend UTCFR (Utah Council on Family Relations). It was their annual conference. I was very excited because it was the first conference that I had ever attended on the family. I learned so much at this conference. Some of the highlights were learning about Kinship Care; the effects of prayer on personal motivation, emotions, and perceptions across varying faiths; changing trends in dating; trends in attendance of marriage preparation classes; the volunteer CASA program; and there were numerous presentations about school shootings. I think it would be so wonderful to blog about all of those topics. They all had an impact on me. However, the presentation that I want to highlight in this blog comes from the keynote address given by Alan Hawkins, PhD.

The presentation gave some interesting statistics about divorce. According to Hawkins, 10% of couples going through the divorce process still believe that the marriage could be saved. 10% of couples are also interested in reconciliation, even while going through divorce. The findings of the study he cited are interesting. They suggest that many individuals who divorce could have reconciled had they had the proper help and information.

Hawkins' presentation then featured the Divorce Orientation Education (DOE) classes in Utah. Differing from Divorcing Parents Education, DOE classes contain information on the effects of divorce. They also give the couple advice on how they could save their marriage. Utah currently mandates that individuals with a dependent child who file for divorce must take this class. The filing parent must take the class within 60 days of filing.

Because the Divorce Orientation Education classes are being pioneered by Utah, and because they are relatively new, the effects of these classes have not yet been studied. Hawkins' presentation included ways in which he believed the classes needed to be improved. The following are his concerns:

A. There has been no research done on these classes.
B. The classes are overseen by the Administrative Office of the Court.
C. Implementation policy is problematic: curriculum is unstandardized, teachers create their own curriculum.
E. 80% of attending couples said that they needed it at the beginning of their divorce instead of at the end. In other words, they receive the information too late into the divorce to save their marriage.

Hawkins' suggestions are these:

A. Change the timing of post-filing requirements to pre-filing requirements. This may allow couples to get information before they feel it is too late to save their marriage.
B. Provide online classes - this would give couples more privacy as well as require standardization of course curriculum.
C. Research needs to be done on the effectiveness of DOE's to see what works and what does not. Are the classes doing what they are meant to?
D. Support policies which implement and increase the effectiveness of these programs.

Overall the presentation was very insightful. The opportunity for couples to receive help could change the number of families who go through a divorce. This is needed in a our society where so many children are affected by divided, reconstituted, and high-conflict homes.

For more information visit divorce.usu.edu

Myths about Marriage

When I was growing up there were some things about marriage that I very naturally believed. One of them was that no matter who I married we would always agree. We would never fight! Another thing I believed was that love came freely -- no work required! And finally, handsome princes were everywhere and mine was just waiting to sweep me off of my feet.

These fantasy ideals can seem pretty childish to the average adult. They certainly don't leave room for human imperfection. That's why I have had to carefully alter my perception of love and marriage. I can't have true patience or love for my spouse if I expect perfection from him. Faulty ideas of relationships can be potentially damaging. And while some myths are easy to recognize, others are not so easy and are actually widely accepted. The following are common myths that individuals in the United States have regarding marriage:

1. We have lost generational families
2. Opposites attract
3. People always marry because they love each other
4. Having children increases marital satisfaction
5. Good sex is the best predictor of marital satisfaction
6. Happily married people don't have conflict
7. Half of all marriages end in divorce

Instead of these myths, consider the following:

1. The multigenerational family has never been particularly common. While in the 1940's there was a drop in their rate, recently there has been a reverse of this trend.
2. The more similar you are to an individual in socioeconomic status, age, religion, and education level the more likely you are to be attracted to each other.
3. We are driven to marriage by a number of different reasons. These include loneliness, opportunity for economic and emotional security, or because we are expected to.
4. Impact of children on the marriage depends on the quality of the marriage. However, generally couples report a decrease in satisfaction after the birth of a child.
5. The satisfaction within a marriage is not dependent on sexual activity, including quality and quantity. Happy and unhappy marriages can experience both positive and negative sexual satisfaction with no correlating effect on marital satisfaction.
6. Every person is different and will therefore bring different opinions to a relationships. This is no different for marriage relationships. Conflict is not necessarily a predictor of divorce, but conflict resolution is.
7. Divorce trends are very difficult to predict. What is known is that education level, religious affiliation, income, family history, and marriage after 25 without already having a child significantly decrease the chance of divorce.

Watch out for these myths and consider the alternatives. This information was taken from:

Lauer, R. H., Lauer, J. C. (2012). Marriage and Family; New York, NY: McGraw-Hill