Myths about Marriage

When I was growing up there were some things about marriage that I very naturally believed. One of them was that no matter who I married we would always agree. We would never fight! Another thing I believed was that love came freely -- no work required! And finally, handsome princes were everywhere and mine was just waiting to sweep me off of my feet.

These fantasy ideals can seem pretty childish to the average adult. They certainly don't leave room for human imperfection. That's why I have had to carefully alter my perception of love and marriage. I can't have true patience or love for my spouse if I expect perfection from him. Faulty ideas of relationships can be potentially damaging. And while some myths are easy to recognize, others are not so easy and are actually widely accepted. The following are common myths that individuals in the United States have regarding marriage:

1. We have lost generational families
2. Opposites attract
3. People always marry because they love each other
4. Having children increases marital satisfaction
5. Good sex is the best predictor of marital satisfaction
6. Happily married people don't have conflict
7. Half of all marriages end in divorce

Instead of these myths, consider the following:

1. The multigenerational family has never been particularly common. While in the 1940's there was a drop in their rate, recently there has been a reverse of this trend.
2. The more similar you are to an individual in socioeconomic status, age, religion, and education level the more likely you are to be attracted to each other.
3. We are driven to marriage by a number of different reasons. These include loneliness, opportunity for economic and emotional security, or because we are expected to.
4. Impact of children on the marriage depends on the quality of the marriage. However, generally couples report a decrease in satisfaction after the birth of a child.
5. The satisfaction within a marriage is not dependent on sexual activity, including quality and quantity. Happy and unhappy marriages can experience both positive and negative sexual satisfaction with no correlating effect on marital satisfaction.
6. Every person is different and will therefore bring different opinions to a relationships. This is no different for marriage relationships. Conflict is not necessarily a predictor of divorce, but conflict resolution is.
7. Divorce trends are very difficult to predict. What is known is that education level, religious affiliation, income, family history, and marriage after 25 without already having a child significantly decrease the chance of divorce.

Watch out for these myths and consider the alternatives. This information was taken from:

Lauer, R. H., Lauer, J. C. (2012). Marriage and Family; New York, NY: McGraw-Hill