Fatherhood

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Please check out this video, it is one of my favorites on fatherhood: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5FxdCgD-qI       

             Studies have shown that the role of the father in the home is extremely significant.  From increasing the likelihood of good grades to improving the emotional maturity of their children, fathers who have a healthy relationship with their kids are invaluable (see https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm).

  I am going to highlight five important points from an article I recently read.  It will provide insight into the media representation of fatherhood.  I’ll also talk about some experiences I had with my own dad and how they impacted me.  Then I will conclude with my personal ideal of fatherhood.

Fathers in Sitcoms

One of my interests is how the family is affected by popular media.  I recently read an article on fatherhood that was written by Pehlke, Hennon, Radina, and Kuvalanka (2009).  It was entitled, “Does Father Still Know Best?: An Inductive Thematic Analysis of Popular TV Sitcoms.”  In this article, the authors discuss how fatherhood has been portrayed by the television industry and specifically popular family sitcoms.

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1.  According to Douglas and Olson in 1996 (as cited in Pehlke et al. 2009), both married and divorced individuals have cited television shows as guides for their personal behavior.  In other words, the way marriage and family life is portrayed on television acts as a socializing tool.  What we see is often what we believe is normal, acceptable, and valued.  “Television families seem to ‘affect the way in which people think about marriage and the family,’” and even impact our behavior.  Therefore, the way fatherhood is portrayed on television may affect the way children and adults view fatherhood.  Father characters in sitcoms are potential role models for current and future fathers. 

2.  In another study also conducted by Douglas and Olson in 1997 (as cited in Pehlke et al. 2009), the researchers found that in recent years sitcoms and television shows reflected less positive family traits and that they “displayed more spousal dominance, less satisfaction, and less stability.”  If individuals use television characters as role models, then declining positive role models in the media may correlate with declining societal family values.  It is important then to analyze the media and understand how it is portraying family life, and fatherhood.

3.  The authors of the article discussed how situational comedies imply that humor and jokes will be used at the expense of the characters.  According to a content analysis done by Scharrer (as cited in Pehlke et al. 2009), “fathers were…more likely to be portrayed foolishly” and this portrayal increased in intensity with each decade (exception 1970’s) – as analyzed from the 1950’s-1999.  Shifting family values and portrayals in the media reflects shifting societal changes.  It becomes especially important then to recognize in which direction it is changing.  Looking at the trends of values in media helps us to recognize the changes in our societal trends (Pearl et al., 1982, as cited in Pehlke et al. 2009).

4.  In the current study I read, Pehlke et al. (2009) found two trends which I found significant.  The first was that dads in the sitcoms were often depicted spending quality time with their children and also teaching life lessons.  The importance in this finding is that real-life fathers also engage in these activities and that they are correlated with positive child outcomes.  Therefore, our media is both reflecting these societal values as well as promoting them.

5.  The second important finding from Pehlke et al. (2009) was that fathers  -- particularly working-class fathers – were often negatively portrayed as being foolish or “bumbling”.  The authors point out that “fathers, as well as other members of the family network, were often intentionally depicted as sometimes socially incompetent and/or engaged in activities designed to be comical for the benefit of the viewing audience.   However, these negative messages possibly do little to dispel the notion that fathers are somewhat incompetent in their roles and, therefore, deserving to be the butt of the family’s jokes.”  In other words sitcoms still have an impact on the way we view fatherhood.  This study made me realize that what I watch changes how I think.  As I watch television, I must be wary in how I internalize and interpret family life and fatherhood. 

My Daddy

                One of my favorite things to do is watch old family videos, especially the ones where I am in them as a little baby.  Far from being narcissistic, this desire mostly comes from the fact that I don’t remember those things on my own.  I don’t remember what my dad and mom were like when I was a baby.  I don’t remember the things that we did together or what they said to me.  They give me a portion of my life back!  So, although I don’t remember the following experience, it is something I have relived in video form.

                When I was about a 1½ years old my dad tried to teach me the word “football”.  He began by holding the football in front of my face and asked, “Samantha, what’s this?!”  Without hesitation I yelled, “Mic-a-mac”!  From the home video I know he began to laugh.  We continued to play, he repeatedly asked me what the football was called, and I repeatedly answered as aforementioned. 

                Although this exchange might mean nothing to an outsider, every time I watch this film I am touched.  I am touched because my dad spent time with me, teaching me about footballs and listening to me even when I had no idea what I was talking about…literally.  From this simple exchange I gained an understanding that my dad loved me.  Quality time spent speaking nonsense says more than five minutes spent in professional conversation. 

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What Can I Do?

                There are two things that I know I can do to provide the best dad for my children.  Both start now with my singlehood, and the second one continues to be in effect after marriage.

                First – dating.  The first thing that I can do to provide a good father for my children is to date good men.  And here are three traits that I consider necessary to be a good father: 1- have a love and patience for others.  How much more will a man love and have patience for his future children if he is first able to have those feelings for others?  2- place the highest importance on family.  3- be free of addiction.  Addiction can negatively impact all relationships, particularly those closest to you.  A man who truly wants to father children will work to remove all addiction and instead foster positive relationships.

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                Second—working on me.  The second thing I can do is to fulfill my role as a loving and supportive wife and mother.  I do this by working on traits like those I mentioned for the “good father”.  Also, becoming good at communication will help me to strengthen my husband in his role as father.  But it is most important that I am good before I attempt to make others good.  This is a lifelong process that I do not expect to perfect before I get married or even before I become a grandmother.  But as I work on my role, I can help my spouse work on his.  Together we can guide our children towards eternal well-being.

References:

Pehlke, T. A., Hennon, C. B., Radina, M. E., Kuvalanka, K. A. (2009). Does father still know best?: An         inductive thematic analysis of popular TV sitcoms. Fathering, 1(2). 114-139.