The Importance of Communication

   The other day I caught myself pretending to listen to one of my friends.  We were walking to class together and talking about our plans for next semester.  Both of us are looking for internships, which is a difficult process. She was talking and I gave her what I thought was an appropriate response. "Wait...", she replied, "that isn't what I said."  Unfortunately, somewhere during the conversation I had become distracted and went into auto-response mode.  And she had caught me.

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   That situation was awkward and embarrassing.  Because I care about my friend I also felt bad.  However, it didn't ruin our friendship; we just started back up where we had left off and this time I listened more clearly.  But it does illustrate the point that the function of communication within a relationship is vital.  Without good communication we cannot relate appropriately to other people. 

   There are two kinds of communication, verbal and nonverbal.  Researchers estimate anywhere from 50-80% of communication is nonverbal (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).  But that doesn't mean that verbal communication is less important.  In fact, in many ways it is more important because it can help clarify messages we are trying to convey including nonverbal messages. 

   When we communicate our thoughts and feelings to another person it is called encoding.  Basically, encoding is putting our abstract ideas into concrete expressions through verbal or nonverbal expression.  Unfortunately, the person who receives our encoded message does not always decode -- or understand -- that message correctly.  Especially with nonverbal cues, signals can be misread (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).  That is why it is so important to consistently check how the other person is understanding your message.

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   Rehman and Holtzworht-Munroe (2007) have found that feelings of satisfaction and dissatisfaction within family life is closely tied to the way that people communicate.  It is vital for individuals and families to understand the importance of communication and to practice listening, understanding, and trying to be understood.

   Elder M. Russell Ballard -- an Apostle of the LDS Church -- has stressed the importance of communication in a series of discourses (Ballard, 1993, 1994, 2003).  He speaks particularly on counseling together in leadership positions as well as home and family life.  Ballard defines a council as two or more family members engaging in a discussion.  However, he explains that it is when everyone is engaged -- appropriately including children -- that individuals feel ownership over a situation and can effectively solve problems together.  Situations of counseling together need to be natural and open, and children need to be heard.

   One of the most important points in Ballard's lecture (2003) is that the more stressed home-life may be, the more important family councils become.

   I'll end with a quote from his 2003 talk, "I have no hesitancy in giving you the assurance, if you will confer in council as you are expected to, God will give you solutions to the problems that confront you."

Ballard, M. R. (1993). Strength in counsel. Ensign.

Ballard, M. R. (1994). Counseling with our councils. Ensign.

Ballard, M. R. & Ballard, B. (2003). Family councils: A conversation with elder and sister ballard. Ensign. 

Lauer, R. H., & Lauer, J. C. (2012). Marriage and Family.  New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

Rehman, U. S., & Holtzworth-Munroe, A. (2007). A cross-cultural examination of the relation of marital communication behavior to marital satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 27. 159-183.